Choose your Spouse Wisely
Bismillah hir Rahman Nir Raheem
My Lord, expand for me my chest [with assurance] And ease for me my task And untie the knot from my tongue That they may understand my speech. Ameen
I look around and see married people getting divorced, the ratio keeps getting higher. I see some kids these days ill-mannered not being properly brought up, I see the future of the nation, these kids getting ruined. One cannot tell the difference either they are Muslim kids, Christian kids or Hindu kids. If the name is Adam or Rayan it's a common name one cannot distinguish between either he is a Muslim or a Christian. I wrote another blog regarding the brought up of children.
World of Dramas and Movies
Why is there an increase in divorce ratio or kids being ill mannered are these two things connected? In reality, mostly our young generation lives in a fantasy world whether they are boys or girls. There were once some college fellows they had such good company in college and school MaShaaAllah. These friends used to talk all the time about how will we be able to protect our children and do their upbringing the right way as the times are bad now how will the future be? Just think for a second these kids, who are of 15 to 17 years of age and check their mental level. We need this type of youth among us.
Mostly our youth lives in a fantasy world and that fantasy is shaped up by dramas and films that we watch. I wrote another article on effects of dramas on our society. Mostly Bollywood films, our youth mostly watch these films as there is no language barrier and in it there is a rowdy and dashing hero who would go to any extent to win the heart of the heroine. Our youth also thinks the same when they see a girl/boy at college/university, they fall in love and start dreaming the same way as shown in Bollywood movies. If you tell someone that I like this girl the first thing that comes into their mind, is they are dating and meeting secretly and all that, in reality maybe this might not be the case.
Co-Education
Now there is a need to talk on a very important matter, as we live in a society where mostly our universities and colleges follow co-education. Our parents have to understand one thing that your kid who spent 4 years in a co-ed environment was not doing tahajjud for 4 years in a university Illa Ma Shaa Allah. He/She may have someone in mind from university if not from outside that he/she likes and there is nothing wrong in it. What comes after it is somewhat alarming, that they start dating, some by the excuse of group studies and some by the excuse of teaching them Islam 😏. Parents need to guide their children properly regarding these matters. The extent of likeness should remain till likeness it should not get to a point that one says, 'I won't be able to live without you' and all that crap. Although this rarely happens, we have fallen even deeper, the so-called relationships in universities are recyclable it lasts maximum 4 years then the girl goes her own way and boy his own. I remember in our university in the first semester there was a couple, they seemed okay but in the next semester they broke up and there was another couple their "relationship" which lasted 3 years. This is not our culture. Let me tell you what type of standards our youth have. During my 1st or 2nd semester in university, one of my friends said that "by the end of 4 years if I am not able to get a single girl what would my brother or friends say that what kind of a loser I am" 😱.
Questions you need to ask yourself
Now coming back to if you like someone then like to marry, don't like to just date or you know pass the time in university. You have to check some characteristics in him or her and one should be mentally strong. The most important thing is what type of a parent will he/she be. If you talk regarding girls, you are not just going to marry a girl, you are going to marry an institution that is going to raise your child. Ask yourself some questions what type of upbringing will she do? will she be a good mother? and before all that make up your mind to what type of kids do you want, do you want your kids to be like Micheal Jackson, Tom Cruise, Engin Altan Düzyatan (Ertugrul actor) , Ayeza Khan, Sana Khan or Steve jobs, Bill gates, Elon Musk or do you want them to have a character like that of Four Caliphs or umm ul momineen Khadijah R.A S.A, Ayesha R.A S.A and Fatima R.A S.A or like that of Prophet Muhammad PBUH as said in Quran.
The Messenger of God is certainly a good role model for those of you who have hope in God and in the Day of Judgment and who remember God very often.
Decide this first, then see whether this boy or girl will be able to make my kid like them. It is said that children have rights over their parents. The first and foremost right is that a man should choose a good mother for his child and a woman should choose a good father for her child.
It is stated in a Hadith:
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Marry the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
A funny advice from Bamsi Beyrek of drama serial Ertugrul regarding which women to marry.
This video is a property of TRT Dirillis Ertugrul.
When to get married?
In this Era, this question is real hard to deal with. Young men becomes excited when this subject is raised🙈. In a Hadith
Narrated 'Abdullah:It was narrated that 'Abdullah said: "The Messenger of Allah said to us: 'O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married,'"
The Arabic word for afford used in this Hadith is الْبَاءَةَ which at that time meant something to eat and a roof to live under. These days one cannot say that I can afford some chips and have a roof under the bridge let's get married 😑 No! For today الْبَاءَةَ (for mediocre families who are no landlords or mill or factories owner) is, at least that a man is able to afford a meal of three times, a separate room and a separate kitchen as in subcontinent we live in a joint family setting where the biggest turf war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the kitchen Illa MaShaaAllah. For women there is ease, no restrictions that she should earn this much and all that, just fail in exams and you get married 😄(just kidding). For a woman to be educated is a must as said earlier she is going to be an institution and world is advancing at a rapid pace one should coop with it. A little suggestion from my side would be if a boy has done bachelors don't marry him to a girl who has a PhD because sometimes there comes inferiority complex among them. The wife thinks highly of herself and thinks nothing of her husband not mostly but not rarely either. This might not happen when both of them are God Fearing. One should know that Allah has given the husband a higher rank and responsibilities than wife, but this doesn't mean that one should oppress other.
To those working women I would say please stay at home if you can't manage home and work both at the same time because Allah has stationed you at homes.
Allah says
And stay in your homes and do not go about displaying your allurements as in the former Time of Ignorance ......
If you still want to work, think of this commandment and choose your career accordingly. Don't become engineers or accountants or architects or pilots or army women become doctors, teachers or nurses choose the profession where you are needed and if needed.
What about those men who cannot afford الْبَاءَةَ Allah says:
“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty...”
Narrated 'Abdullah:It was narrated that 'Abdullah said: "The Messenger of Allah said to us: 'O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity, and whoever cannot then he should fast, for it will be a restraint (wija') for him.'"
One last advice for parents, don't impose your choice on your kids, don't marry your son/daughter to someone because you like him. After marriage you will be the first person to hate him/her😅.
Choose carefully the spouse (institutions) for your child
O Allah! Enable us to see the Truth as Truth and give us the ability to follow it. And show us the falsehood as false and give us the ability to refrain from it. Ameen
Wallahu Aalam
Mashahallah ,detailed references for guidence.
ReplyDeleteJazakAllah Khair :)
Delete